Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Paper Cranes really isn't that bad a team name

Just an addendum to the previous post: If you think about it, Paper Cranes is actually kind of an interesting name. It's distinct and it's a lot better than several of the awful team names in the NHL -- in particular, the Thrashers, Predators, Wild and Lightning.

My problem with "Wild" is that it's an adjective and I firmly believe that team names should not be adjectives. They should actually be an object.

'Thrasher' is a bird. Problem is, it's also easily mistaken for thrasher's other meaning -- one who thrashes or skateboards, according to

Predators is just plain stupid. It means an "animal that lives by predation." Hey, no shit. It's the kind of name a collectively stupid, generic name that people choose when they can't think of anything else. Could you seriously call yourself a "predator" with a straight face?

As for lightning, the only thing positive I can say is that it's a noun and there is lots of lightning in Florida. Just like there's lots of lightning in the Colorado Rockies, New York, Ohio, Texas and a zillion other locales. The worst part about it is that there's a whole Gulf of Mexico filled with interesting species right next to Tampa but instead they chose to go generic. Hey Tampa -- nothing personal, but maybe next time you get a hockey team you should first spend $20 and get a fucking nature guide.

Interestingly, I think a pretty good argument can be made that three of those teams would probably be better off in other cities that take winter sports more seriously. When I'm NHL commissioner, the teams in Atlanta, Nashville and Tampa would be relocated to three of the following: Seattle, Portland (OR), Salt Lake City, Boise, Milwaukee or Fargo.

Why Boise? The team name could be the Idaho Spuds and fans would have the opportunity to throw potatoes on the ice to show support for the team. Now that would be fun.

--Steve Hymon

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