Puck Boy enjoying life in alternative universe

As a sports fan, I awoke this morning to find that my beloved Cincinnati Bengals are in first place in the AFC North, my beloved Los Angeles Kings are also in first place in their division and the University of Cincinnati Bearcats (I went there for two years) are sitting at the No. 8 spot in the college football rankings.

I am also employed. At least for now. 

I am clearly residing in an alternative universe today, so I thought I would let you know what else is playing here:

1. I have been asked to formally join the E Street Band.

2. I also became a Jedi Knight this morning and as my first order of business I have banished the Pasadena City Council to Dagobah for their unwillingness to build a new ice rink and their inability to time the traffic signals to accommodate my Subaru/Land Speeder Thing.

3. I get to drive a fire engine -- with the sirens on!

4. My slap shot always sails into the air and injures those foolish enough to stand between it and the goal.

5. I am having dinner with Cate Blanchett this evening (burgers and beer at My Father's Office) and she will wear that sick red dress from the Benjamin Button movie. Hey Brad Pitt--screw you! She's mine now!

6. I will get into a hockey fight and use my new light saber to remove the gloves (and hands, I guess) of my opponent.

7. I can talk to bear and play board games with them.
--Steve Hymon