I might as well have gone into the backyard and grabbed one of Teddy the Dog's turds and rubbed it in my eyes. There's no way to say this delicately: the Winter Olympics hockey website is a hunk of doo-doo. Too much hunting and pecking to find the rosters and there was this little omission: the Canadian team, announced yesterday, wasn't yet posted on the site.
Is everyone's head frozen in Canada?
However, I did stumble upon a game posted on the website called Quatchi's Shootout Shutout, a game in which you play the goalie and try to stop shootout goals from each of the Winter Games' three stupid mascots.
That's a screenshot above of me playing and about to make another brilliant save. Or, at least, it should have been a brilliant save except for the fact that the Canadians must have the game wired to recognize when Americans are playing. I know this because every time it appeared I was going to block a shot, the puck somehow managed to skitter under my stick. I bet if I was some dirtbag from Winnipeg, I'd have a perfect record right now. Instead, I'm just an idiot from the 91106.
Go ahead and play. Your work will be waiting for you next year.
--Steve Hymon
