Gary Bettman: dumb, a jackass or both?

You may have noticed something curious the past few days: suddenly a lot of people who couldn't give a damn about hockey are very interested. The U.S. defeat of Canada on Sunday night -- which was not even an elimination game -- earned television ratings higher than last year's game seven of the Stanley Cup finals between Detroit and Pittsburgh and was the highest rated sporting event in Canadian history.

That's hardly surprising. The Stanley Cup finals ended in the middle of June last year when days are long and winter is a distant memory for most of North America. Parts of the finals were telecast by a network, Versus, that many people do not get as part of their cable subscription package. Not that they're missing much. Versus normally specializes in fishing and hunting programs featuring some of the biggest rednecks known to man.

This is all a long way of saying it's quite odd that NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman has been so critical of NHL involvement in the Olympics. For one, in the 1990s, he championed suspending the NHL season to accommodate the Olympics. But since then the U.S. team sometimes struggled, hockey didn't get much quality television coverage and short-sighted NHL execs and owners began questioning the decision. Because, you know, no one should have to wait two weeks to see Nashville and Atlanta square off.

As a result, Bettman is saying the NHL may not send its players to the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia. That's strange. Last time I checked, hockey was a popular sport in Russia and I would expect one of the world's largest countries may enjoy watching some of the world's best hockey players duke it out.

Look. The opening of the Olympics to professional athletes is hardly ideal -- at least not in my view. In many sports, the Olympics are now just another stop on a long tour. In hockey, it's a shame that the national teams hardly have a chance to practice together before the tournament begins.

When you spend all your time freezing your ass off, these are the kind of websites you create

Ever curious who may be your long lost hockey twin? The Canadian Television website has constructed a little game that will guide you to both your male and female twin.

One catch: Your twin has to be a member of Canada's Olympic hockey squad, which of course is kind of limiting and disgusting. Nothing against Canadians, mind you. But how would you like it if someone said you can date any girl you want in California -- as long as she's from Fresno?

Nothing against Fresno, of course.

My male twin was Jarome Inginla, the winger and captain of the Calgary Flames. Given that Mr. Inginla currently is eighth in the NHL in goals, I'll take it since I have hard enough time scoring on an empty net.

My female twin is Haley Irwin, a winger who shoots lefty (that's her, at right). Interesting! The Domestic Partner is also a lefty, so I must have some kind of cosmic connection with left-handed chicks. According to her bio, Haley's favorite movie is "Anchorman" and her favorite television program is "The Simpsons." Certainly can't argue with that: Welcome to the fam, Haley!

--Steve Hymon

Canadians won't stop until they've gouged your eyes out

Just for fun, I thought I'd poke around the internet to see if there are any rooms available in Vancouver or Whistler for the Olympic games. After all, there are tickets available to some events.

Well, the good news is that there are rooms available. The bad news: Well, how would you feel about paying $830 a night to stay in a Best Western in Vancouver? The prices are even more obscene in Whistler, where rooms at respectable establishments are going for $1,100 a night or so.

The best bet to see the Games live, I think, is to visit a geneaologist and pray you can find a Canuckian in the family tree who is willing to clear away some beer bottles and let you bed down for the night.

Geesh.

--Steve Hymon

Three Kings to play for U.S. in Olympics

I'm just catching up on news from the past few days. So you may have heard by now that three members of the Kings made the American squad that will go to Vancouver next month: goalie Jonathan Quick, defenseman Jack Johnson and winger and Kings captain Dustin Brown.

It doesn't sound as if Quick will get much playing time, but Johnson and Brown certainly will. I'm a big fan of Johnson and think he may be the Kings' best overall player -- not only can he remove man from puck, but he also has the skating and stickhandling chops to take the puck up the ice. And his shot is a rifle.

Here's a USA Today analysis of the U.S. men's roster. Sounds like the writer is a Johnson fan, too.

While it's fun to see the Kings compete for a playoff spot this season, I'm more stoked for the Olympic tournament at this point. Unlike the regular NHL season, the Olympic hockey tournament is short and sweet and every second of every game will count.

The Canada-U.S. game is Feb. 21 at 4:40 p.m., by the way. That's just as the Sunday stick time session at the Pasadena rink is ending. If the game is shown live -- and if it's not, someone should throw the president of NBC to the wolves in San Quentin -- I look forward to plopping down at the bar in the adjacent Sheraton hotel, stinky and sweaty, and quaffing a few while watching the game.

Here's the link to the press release about the U.S. team from USA Hockey. 

One other sidenote: the Kings' Michael Handzus will be playing for Slovakia at the Winter games. If you're wondering why Anze Kopitar won't be going to Vancouver it's because he's from Slovenia and Slovenia doesn't have a team going to the games.

Vancouver Winter Games website sucks!

After working hard for 23 minutes this morning, I thought I deserved a well-earned break and decided to click over to the Vancouver Winter Olympics website to read through the rosters for the men's hockey tournament.

I might as well have gone into the backyard and grabbed one of Teddy the Dog's turds and rubbed it in my eyes. There's no way to say this delicately: the Winter Olympics hockey website is a hunk of doo-doo. Too much hunting and pecking to find the rosters and there was this little omission: the Canadian team, announced yesterday, wasn't yet posted on the site.

Is everyone's head frozen in Canada?

However, I did stumble upon a game posted on the website called Quatchi's Shootout Shutout, a game in which you play the goalie and try to stop shootout goals from each of the Winter Games' three stupid mascots.

That's a screenshot above of me playing and about to make another brilliant save. Or, at least, it should have been a brilliant save except for the fact that the Canadians must have the game wired to recognize when Americans are playing. I know this because every time it appeared I was going to block a shot, the puck somehow managed to skitter under my stick. I bet if I was some dirtbag from Winnipeg, I'd have a perfect record right now. Instead, I'm just an idiot from the 91106.

Go ahead and play. Your work will be waiting for you next year.

--Steve Hymon