Gary Bettman: dumb, a jackass or both?

You may have noticed something curious the past few days: suddenly a lot of people who couldn't give a damn about hockey are very interested. The U.S. defeat of Canada on Sunday night -- which was not even an elimination game -- earned television ratings higher than last year's game seven of the Stanley Cup finals between Detroit and Pittsburgh and was the highest rated sporting event in Canadian history.

That's hardly surprising. The Stanley Cup finals ended in the middle of June last year when days are long and winter is a distant memory for most of North America. Parts of the finals were telecast by a network, Versus, that many people do not get as part of their cable subscription package. Not that they're missing much. Versus normally specializes in fishing and hunting programs featuring some of the biggest rednecks known to man.

This is all a long way of saying it's quite odd that NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman has been so critical of NHL involvement in the Olympics. For one, in the 1990s, he championed suspending the NHL season to accommodate the Olympics. But since then the U.S. team sometimes struggled, hockey didn't get much quality television coverage and short-sighted NHL execs and owners began questioning the decision. Because, you know, no one should have to wait two weeks to see Nashville and Atlanta square off.

As a result, Bettman is saying the NHL may not send its players to the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia. That's strange. Last time I checked, hockey was a popular sport in Russia and I would expect one of the world's largest countries may enjoy watching some of the world's best hockey players duke it out.

Look. The opening of the Olympics to professional athletes is hardly ideal -- at least not in my view. In many sports, the Olympics are now just another stop on a long tour. In hockey, it's a shame that the national teams hardly have a chance to practice together before the tournament begins.

Hey Canada -- Own This!!!!!!!!!

Well, I'm not really sure where to start on this one, so I'll just list a few things along with a few jabs at my favorite country in North America that is north of the United States.

1. On a hockey note, it's worth reading this piece by Jeff Z. Klein in the New York Times who notes that finishing your checks is nice-and-dandy but if often means that you're hitting some dude without the puck and taking yourself out of the play. Are you paying attention, Ryan Getzlaf?

2. My stick-time in Pasadena ended at 4:45 p.m. yesterday, so I was able to drive home and switch straight from playing hockey to watching a sporting event so ridiculously entertaining that I almost twice pulled my groin jumping off the couch.

3. How can anyone watch baseball after watching a game like that? Really--a bunch of guys standing around the grass fondling themselves? Yaaaawn.

4. I couldn't help but notice a six-day lift ticket to Whistler in March is $100 more expensive than a six-day ticket to Mammoth. And that's taking into account the weaker Canadian dollar. Hotel rooms during the Olympics have been insanely priced so as to keep all but the wealthy or the fiscally insane away from the Great White North. To this I say: Fuck You Canada! Enjoy that semifinal game against Team Russia and Mr. Ovechkin -- who knows how to check.

5. On a somewhat related note, Team Canada's women's curling team has a couple of players who are not unattractive.

6. I think my excitement level red-zoned when after watching the hockey game I switched over to see Bode Miller win a gold in the combined event. The media has been trying to define Miller for years now, he's been stubbornly refusing to be defined by a bunch of d-bags who don't know him and now he won a gold skiing like a Real Man.

7. Not to get ahead of ourselves, but if the U.S. squad wins its quarterfinal game against either Switzerland or Belarus, its semifinal will be Friday against the winner of the Czech Republic vs. Finland/Latvia quarerfinal. Here's a link to the Olympic tournament bracket. Sweden seems on-track to play Russia or Canada in the other semifinal.

Which means that a U.S.-Canada final is still possible next Sunday.

Oh, please take time from your busy Monday morning to watch this clip featuring the late, great John Candy.

--Steve Hymon

F U L.A.? No, F U, Canada!

Ever wonder what the difference is between a Canadian hockey fan and, say, a normal person who resides in the United States of America?

I believe you'll find the answer in the above video, posted by a Toronto Maples Leaf fan after his team got whipped by the Los Angeles Kings on Tuesday evening.

A normal person may return home after his team loses and say "bummer" and get on with their life. A Maple Leafs fan apparently comes home and screams into the webcam of a computer in his basement.

I mean this dude does everything but drop trou and stroke his frozen terwilliger over the Leafs. 

Hang with the video past the musical opening number (for lack of a better term). It gets better as it goes. If you have the time, you may also want to forward this video to mental health professionals in the Toronto area.

As for this dude's "F U" to Los Angeles, please allow Puck Boy to handle the reply: Go hump a snowman, Canada! The Kings are going to the playoffs!