Puck boy takes issue with inspirational hockey poster!

This poster is tacked onto the wall of the Pasadena rink where I skate. I didn't notice it until one day I was killing time while the rink's smoke-belching Zamboni lurched about the ice, contributing to global warming in a million different ways.
 

The poster stood out because I don't entirely agree with it.

First of all, the poster shows a kid playing goalie, presumably on a voluntary basis (he's not chained to the goal post). I humbly suggest that anyone who voluntarily plays goalie -- that is, volunteers to get rocked by pucks, bodies and skates at close range -- doesn't have a confidence problem. Maybe a "I'm fucking crazy" problem. But not a "I have no faith in myself" problem.

My adult beginners hockey class runs concurrently with a clinic for kids and often one of the kid goalies -- he's about 12 years old -- will man the net during our drills and scrimmage. I don't think lack-of-poise is going to send him to the shrink anytime soon. If he has any problem, it's that he has douchebag teammates like me inadvertently screening him from people trying to maim him.

So that's my first issue.

Issue No. 2: At the risk of sounding sappy -- and there's absolutely no room for sap in hockey unless you've just won the Stanley Cup, IMO -- I think the lessons of learning a new sport are as potent for adults than they are for kids. Maybe more so.

I earned whatever self-confidence that I have long before the first time this year my ass slid across the ice in front of two six-year-old figure skaters in tutus who were pointing and laughing at me (bitches!). So, hockey hasn't taught me to stand on my own two feet. It has, however, been a vivid reminder that it's never too late to put yourself in a foreign environment and learn to survive. And that's kinda cool. Scratch kinda. It's amazingly fucking cool.

Plus, I get the thrill of putting my male garter on in front of a bunch of other guys and some girls. That, I do agree, takes some confidence and a photo of me snapping my socks to the garter would make for an excellent inspirational poster if anyone out there has a good camera.

--Steve Hymon

Related: What the hell is this blog about?

Coming soon to this blog: The hockey garter: A useful necessity or the first step toward cross-dressing?